My story : "The weirdest night"
The movie, Trainspotting 2, brings back memories. The soundtrack keeps me excited and concentrated. I smoked already few joints and I'm at the 3rd beer.
I'm there with Nathan. He is not a close friend but I feel relaxed about having some new friendship time.
The movie it's done and he leaves his motorbike on the side of the road, we go drink another beer at Bombay, I propose. Having random but intense conversations about work, time, life. He looks chilled but in my mind I kinda feel he is a bit of a weird ou.
He says he lives around the corner from there and we can go to his place to smoke again.
I find myself in the taxi going to.... fucking Camps Bay (Around the corner he said!!!").
Now I'm on the other side of the city, from where I live, drunk and stoned. Wtf Val, I think!
I still feel quite safe, but also with not really other choice then accepting his invite of sleeping there.
Now here we are in bed, I'm ready to sleep, I close my eyes.
N: "Can I hug you?"
V:" Ok but we are not going to have sex, I'm not here for that!"
He starts touching, rubbing his sweaty hands on me. He let a sentence go after a while "yeah maybe I want to fuck". Straight after that he is so sorry and the touching slows down.
I am sleeping, I try al least, I can feel him next to me, he is going nuts. Moving, breathing, touching again.
I felt like I couldn't move, breath, talk. He is next to me and the whole night feels to me that he can't keep up with himself, with the urge of jumping on me.
Finally morning comes. The wind has been blowing hard and bad the whole night.
My phone is off, my alarm is not going to ring. His one is on and it finally rings at around 7.
It's morning, I go pee, I have been holding the whole night. I am awake, he is being awake, he calls the taxi, I am out.
The taxi driver is cool and makes me feel comfortable.
Just a great coffee and a cheesecake at my favourite bar in town. Checked the book store I wanted to see in a long time, bought a book. Hairdresser mission and walk home. The day is saved and home is a good place to be now.
I wrote this piece just after it all happened. As I got home I told my housemates but I felt that the episode was still too much inside my mind so I wrote it down.
I thought for long time that it was nothing. I thought it was me. I shouldn't have said yes to his proposal of going home. I should have gone home. I should have though about it, men wants to bring you to bed, it's always the case. I trusted him because he is a good friend of many good friends of mine. I though it's fine, he didn't really rape me. I should have done this and that.
Then the realisation:
I told some girl friends about the episode. One of them said something similar happened to her some time ago. Same pattern, the person is sleeping and the men starts to touch around.
I say the name, she says the name...boom...it's the same person. The same guy did the same thing to her. She thought the same as me...he is a friend of a lot of our friends so, it's not ok but what can we do. We write him a sms saying we don't want to hear anything from him but we know what he is doing.
Then time passes by and more and more girls told me the same story. More girls have been taken by surprise while they are sleeping and he comes and touches and tries in the most sneakiest way to have sex with them, while they are drunk and maybe not in their houses.
It was not just me, it was not by mistake, it was not because of alcohol or drugs, this person has definitely a problem.
Still I waited until today.
Yesterday when I saw all women sharing the msg 'me, too' on fb I though I wasn't doing enough. It is our responsibility to share our stories in order for them not to happen again.
We are stronger then what we think.
To Nathan:
You cannot think that's ok, you need to make a plan to change your behaviour.
You need to make the effort of understanding that your way of approaching girls and make them have sex with you is creepy and it is not ok. There is no excuse about being drunk and what not.
To his friends:
How is it possible you never saw? How is it possible you never noticed he has a weird behaviour with the opposite sex. Well if you never saw or realised now its the moment. Stay close to your friend and help him understand and grow out of this.